Monday, January 19, 2009

Shut up and fuck me

I'll be there soon " I tell him via text. I have been running around all damn day and he wants me to stop by.... for an hour...... gee i wonder what he could really want.
I pull up in the parking lot and one single thought hits me, this is a damn booty call.
As I push the button for the 3rd floor I begin to spin. Why do I do this shit to my self??? What the fuck?? I knock on his door that I had the keys for just 2 weeks ago but no longer am i a resident in this old dusty lonely apartment. I am now the visitor. He yells that it is open so I let my self in.
The apartment is still quite clean despite the trash piling up around the garbage can. The apartment feels so empty with out all my shit. I really feel out of my element. My head begins to fill with the images and words from that night. The way his hands were wrapped around my neck as fought him with all my strength. My phone broken because he threw it across the room. My fist connecting with his jaw line. I had never in my life been so angry with one person. We both had said words that could never be taken back. Cops were called. Neighbors complained. It was hell on earth. Now I stand in the very room this all took place and my heart fills with pain and sorrow. We will never be the same. A fight like that only signals certain doom, an end to all ends...... or so I thought........

He touches me and my skin crawls yet I yearn for his touch. I want to throw up but all I can do is kiss him, making him believe I want this too. He holds me like he did when we first got together confusing my way of thinking and fucking with my heart. He can't do this to me. He whines about how I am kissing him. He wants me to really kiss him, like I used to. I just want to fade in to the floor. How can he want to fuck me after all that shit????? He was so sick of me he layed his hands on me and kicked me out. What the fuck????? I feel so dirty and cheap. All I wanted was for him to love me.

He keeps wrapping his arms around me squeezing my flesh in his hand. He continues to kiss me like he actually meant it. Part of me wants to give in to his damn games while the other logical half tells me to leave and never look back. My heart won't let me turn around. My will starts fail me. I can't seem fight this. My body wants to give in,... no it needs me to give in. Him and I fit in together like two pieces of a puzzle. Yet we repel each other like oil and water. Why can't I win this fight???

My will dissolves there on the spot. My pants are on the floor and his cock is buried deep with in my wet cunt. My heart pounds so loud in my ears. My hands are twisted in the sheets. Our moans fill the small apartment. But as quick as it started it ends. I immediately gather my clothes and head to the bathroom to clean up. Feeling slightly empowered I pull my jeans up. I know that the only reason we are still together is because I love him and he is too afraid of being alone. Not to mention he won't find a pussy tighter than mine.................
We kiss goodbye and separate. Leaving him still wanting.